Things I wish I knew before...

Before I got cancer, I thought a cancer diagnosis was a death sentence. I thought any cancer in the body was a horrid concept, maybe even untreatable. I thought lymph node involvement always meant a recurrence would happen and I thought any tumor on a major organ meant the cancer was everywhere in the body and that your days were numbered.

I was wrong about all of these things. I was ignorant; I had little to no knowledge in relation to cancer and I had very little experience with it. I let my fear outweigh my ability to educate myself. I thought avoidance meant I wouldn't get the disease. I stood under the umbrella labeled "NO FAMILY HISTORY", thinking this would protect me. I didn't know that early detection actually does save lives. I didn't know that medicines can keep cancer stable, whether local to a specific area or on a major organ.

My cancer is breast cancer. This type of cancer flocks to the liver, lungs, brain or bones if it chooses to travel. The size of the original tumor may or may not have anything to do with recurrence. My breast tumor was small, it was thought it wouldn't be anywhere else in the body until we got full body scans. Yet, it was sitting on the liver when we found it...at the earliest point possible for a young women, which is through self-exam.

I have one large tumor in my liver and some smaller ones. I have one small tumor on my left lung. I could tell you the size of the tumors and or the amount of other tumors on my liver, but I am not sure it would be that relevant. It doesn't matter to me. Progress on the medicines is all that matters to me and we are getting that. I have had the knowledge that the cancer moved to those organs for a long time. Beyond that basic information, anything extraneous details can create negativity in my world. I choose to protect my mind and know that I am healing. My full body scans give me every indication that this is happening.

I have known I was stage IV since very early on in this process, but I have never considered myself terminal. I consider myself chronic, like diabetes or arthritis or asthma. There are waves of outbreaks and remission. Right now, my medicines are striking the cancer's power and taking its vitality, which is far more important than this size of the tumor. Growth is a relevant factor, but a more important issue is the aggressiveness of disease. I plan on dying from anything other than cancer..at a very old age. I think this will happen. I visualize it every day.

I call it "my disease" or "my cancer" because I claim it. It is mine and no one elses. Other people may have breas cancer, but every person's cancer is unique...my wise breast surgeon told me that long ago. I take the wind out of its sails by owning the disease. I did not choose to get it and I am not sure that there will be a cure for cancer. I don't have enough medical education to give a verdict on that issue. I think there will be vaccinations for some cancers and I think there will be medicines that will halt growth of some types of cancers. The nature of cancer is that it is cell division that has gone awry and multiplied out of control. I am not sure how medicines can prevent this chaos, but that doesn't mean there won't be a cure in the future. I do think there are ways for us to treat our immune systems better so that cancer may not happen to begin with...but this is all amateur theory based on my own personal research.

For now, I do stand on the fact that medicines can control my cancer. That is where my power is, where my stability will win out over my disease. Positivity and knowledge are thrown in the mix as well. I am running a marathon, not a sprint so I do not get weary by the setbacks anymore. I am waiting patiently and doing my part to heal my body, mind and spirit. I encourage each of you to look at your own health histories within your families and take charge of your health, if you have not already done so. Health issues will not be kept at bay by ignoring them. Avoidance only limits treatment options, but awareness can save a life! It has saved me over and over. There is no telling where my disease would be if I had not done self exams or pushed for good doctors. It has made all the difference in my world. I hope it can make a difference in yours.

Blessings,
Lolo