Friday, May 30, 2008

Chemotherapy and Cancer Basics, part 2


So, where I left off on the last post (below) was where I was getting ready to explain why chemotherapy does what it does. First, let me reiterate that "chemotherapy" is a term used for many drugs that are used to fight a multitude of cancers. Cancer is a very complicated subject matter with each cancer have various types within the type. It can be overwhelming for the patient, that is why it is important to have doctors who are up-to-date on the meds.

I spoke in my last post about Herceptin. Herceptin is a targeted therapy that goes after a specific type of cell. Another name for this drugs and others of this type are called monoclonal antibodies. Avastin is another monoclonal antibody that goes after her2neu cells. These drugs are like heat-seeking missiles. They look for a cell with her2neu on it and try to destroy it with various chemical methods. Tykerb is another drug that goes after her1 and her2.

The distinctions between the above-mentioned drugs and chemo are many, but the summary is that monoclonal antibodies target a specific type of cell and chemotherapy goes after fast-growing cells. As each chemo is different and I am not a chemist, I can not really do a good job of explaining the method in which they go after these fast-growing cells. I could try, but I wouldn't get it all right. But, I will tell you that chemo is able to go after cancer because those cells are fast-growing. Other fast-growing cells are those related to hair growth and the mouth and digestive tract through the stomach. This is why I am losing my hair and why my mouth tastes raw....like a battery. ICK!

There are many things the docs can do to help with these side effects, but some of the side effects are just things we have to endure. Since the chemo ignites inflammation in my body for the battle against cancer cells, I often find that I am fatigued on and off throughout the day. My hair is shedding slowly, but it all is coming off. I assume I will shave it off this week, but I am holding out as long as Morgan will let me. She really wants to shave it. As far as nausea goes with the stomach, there are so many amazing meds out there now to address this issue that chemo is not what it used to be. I can tell you I have only thrown up once after a chemo session...in all my rounds of chemo. Pretty amazing. Most of the time, I don't even feel nauseous. If you know someone who is going through chemo and has lots of issues in this regard, then we should talk because there are meds that can help to make the process easier.

I find, more than anything else, that the side effect that hits me hard is the frustration of an interrupted life...whether it be less energy to get on my bike, go to the gym or play with the kids These are the personal things that help me feel normal, alive. I am working on my patience with not having as much energy. I know the side effects are temporary, but my life is like a marathon. I am constantly conditioning for my next move against cancer. These are good lessons. Patience is a good lesson, too. I also know new drugs are in clinical trial all of the time. Herceptin has changed my story and the story of many other women. There is no telling what they will come up with next, but I have my eye on many relevant clinical trials that are extremely hopeful. So, as always, I am filled with hope.

Thanks for reading and for the continued encouragement. Let me know if you have questions!

Blessings,
Lolo

Chemotherapy and Cancer....some basics!

I realized yesterday that I am so involved with my medicine and my medical team, that I probably have lost some perspective on how to explain cancer and the medicines I take. It is like when I was in graduate school and started to teach basic accounting classes to undergrads. I had to go back and look at all my old books to remember how to teach effectively.

The same is true of chemotherapy and cancer. I have spent a lot of time on this site explaining cancer so that everyone can understand that it is just an erosion of cells. If a person were to live a lifetime of approximately 90 years, they would have a 1 in 2 chance of getting cancer if they were a male and a 1 in 3 chance of getting cancer if they were female (per the American Cancer Society). This is not meant to scare you because let me assure you that if you get cancer at the age 90, your cells are growing and dividing at a snail's pace so you could live a long time with the disease and hardly have it affect you.

One of my big problems is that I am young so my cells grow and divide at a much faster pace than an older person. Honestly, this is not a bad thing unless the body gets in the habit of growing something it shouldn't...like cancer cells. Our immune systems can normally destroy a cancer cell before it gets out of control, but for some reason...my cells weren't communicating that effectively so cancer was not halted when it should have been.

That is when chemotherapy and other drugs are utilized. I would like to make the distinction that chemotherapy is a term used for a multitude of drugs, probably hundreds. Just as each cancer is unique, so are the chemo drugs. After a cancer diagnosis is made, a pathologist(a special kind of doctor who examines tissue) will spend some time running tests on cancerous tissue. The purpose of these tests are to figure out what kinds of medicines will work best for the cancer. Once these assessments are made, drugs are usually selected along with surgery or radiation as other options.

Sometimes, the cancer cells can develop resistance to drugs over time because our DNA is way to smart for us. Just as normal cells can evolve for the good, so can cancer cells evolve for the bad. I believe this is one of the reasons I am still dealing with cancer. I have a cancer that was not fueled by estrogen or progesterone, but was fueled by an oncogene called her2neu. This gene sat on the outside of my cancer cells and fueled their growth.

One of the drugs I take is called Herceptin. It targets her2 cells and tries to destroy them. There are other proteins like her2, there are actually her1, her3 and her 4. I take another drug that tries to wipe out the her1 and her2 in a different way than Herceptin. It is called Tykerb and it actually goes inside a cancer cell and works to destroy. However, there is some line of thinking that my cancer may still be able to use her3 or her4 to grow. So, on the horizon are drugs that tackle her1 through her4. There is one, in particular, that is in clinical trials right now. These drugs are called targeted drugs as they only go after specific characteristics such has her1 or her 2. They are not a chemo.

Gotta go for a bit, but my next post will explain why chemo takes your hair, causes nausea, etc.

Hope this helps explain some things!

Blessings,
Lolo

Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Growing flowers, not cancer.

So I decided to take on the project this year of growing flowers. I figured this would help my mind-body connection to adapt to growing something other than cancer. I have a small area of land in front of our house that is shaded by the trees and difficult to plant things in. I have tried each year to put something in there. My preference would be tulips, but those require full sun and my front yard is mostly shaded. Last year, I planted four hostas and the lady at the store told me that if I couldn't grow hostas...then I couldn't grow anything. We both laughed at the time, but I knew those darn hostas weren't going to grow. They didn't.

This year, I went for impatiens. I went through a couple of rounds of them, but I now have pink and purble impatiens in the little garden. We will see how they grow. I know I have not been good at growing anything green, but I am never afraid to try to new things and work on being disciplined. AND, I need to grow something other than cancer. So, I water my plants every day...when it is not already raining and I try to help them grow. They seem to be doing pretty well. I have much hope that they will thrive, just as I have much hope that my body can halt the growth of new tumors and/or destroy the tumors that have been there. There is much hope!

Have a wonderful night!
Lolo

Monday, May 26, 2008

Chemo and how it changes things.

So, I am halfway through this eight week process of chemo. Keep in mind, that things can always change. The doctors could want me to do more chemo. but I bet my liver is in check and we can move forward and do a clinical trial when this is over. Just as things can turn bad, they can also flip to the good.

As far as my tolerating this chemo, i have had to alter my diet a little. Before chemo, i was going for a vegetarian approach. i will continue that after the chemo...but not only are my taste buds changed, but my body is tolerating food differently. I am not sure why, but it seems that I have a better ability to digest meat than I did before. I just realized that this week after I kept trying to push veggies, but I wasn't getting enough food.

I had a freak out moment when the nurse asked me to get on the scale and my weight was very low. I know most women would be excited about this, but for me...weight and nutrition are imperative to healing. When I get sick, I have a tendency to lose weight. That is how it has been since I was a kid. The same is true for episodes of depression. I can easily lose my appetite and often have to eat regardless of if I am hungry. I find that life and everything else can get in the way of me eating. I can often go long periods of time forgetting to eat. I know most of you would think this is crazy and it is. It really is.

However, I have worked on my nutrition and even though I like to exercise because it takes the edge off of my anxiety, I have found it difficult to find foods that can help me feel strong and work on getting stronger. I have difficulty getting enough food. So, I thought I would let you all know I have gone back to meat for a while. A big confession, but it has allowed me to put a little more weight on and feel stronger. Who knows, maybe the chemo puts more acid in my stomach causing me to digest meat better. Regardless, just doing veggies alone has been a problem for me while on this medicines. It was making me not want to eat, which isn't good. So, I am living like a carnivore for a while.

As far as everything else, my taste buds are kind of shot. Chemo goes after fast-growing cells and the mouth is a target in this process. Lemon drops help so i bought some over the weekend. Though I got a break from chemo last week, the fatigue is building over time so it has been difficult to exercise. I did walk yesterday...about 3 or 4 miles which was nice. I plan on getting back out on the bike once the hair loss is done. My scalp is pretty sore still and probably will be for a while. The thought of putting a helmet on my head is not appealing, yet helmets are important...so I will wait a little longer. It is hard for me not to be on the bike. I am addicted, but patience is a virtue that I need some work on...so I will work on it.

Overall, I feel pretty good. My comments above are not meant to be a complaint, just a status report. Each day is a blessing to me regardless of chemo.

I hope each of you had a wonderful Memorial Day!
Lolo

Sunday, May 25, 2008

Pictures of hair status...

A representation of my continued fighting spirit against cancer! I am goofy.
Me, in one of my new hats! It is terry cloth and soothing to my sore scalp.:)
Me, with about two day's worth of serious hair loss. There will be more!

Okay, so I wanted to show you some pix of my hair loss status. See yesterday's blog for the "emotional" update on my hair loss. Writing it helped me to set free all my frustrations regarding this process, or at least most of them. I am showing three pictures and the first one is meant to be a joke, it represents my stance on cancer. The second two just show me in one of my new hats and me with my new hair loss. These pics were just taken this afternoon. It is hard to tell, but I have lost a lot of hair. Oh, and I have my breast cancer advocacy logo t-shirt on! My sis and I are going to try to sell some for our Komen 3-day fundraising efforts. We are working on getting some black and pink t-shirts for everyone who donates. FUN!

I hope each of you have a blessed Sunday! I am going to walk my dog soon so that I can get some mileage in for training for the Komen 3 day walk!

Lolo

Saturday, May 24, 2008

The Yellow Wallpaper

When I was in college, I took as many literature classes as possible. I fell in love with English, as a major. I studied American, British and Greek literature...and any type of story I could get my hands on. I did not always understand what I was reading, but that was okay. I was learning and I realized early on that the rest of the class didn't always have a clue either. Everyone puts on an act, we all do it. I just decided that regardless of if I knew the actual meaning of the story, applying myself was part of the journey. In many ways, the journey was the lesson. I would often realize this after the fact, but I am trying to get better at figuring that out now that I am a supposed adult.

Regardless of my love of English, journalism, writing, etc. I had to be practical when it came to my degree. I also loved math so I became an accountant through a round-about way. I have no regrets as I met my husband through this process, but I wanted to share with you one of the stories that has stuck with me since my sophomore English class. It is the Yellow Wallpaper by Charlotte Perkins Gilman. If you haven't read it, you might want to look it up on the internet. The whole story is actually available for FREE. So cool! I love FREE. I remember reading it for the first time and thinking the narrator was captivating, yet her pacing was hectic and she was confusing. It turns out she is a bit crazy...to say the least and the yellow wallpaper in her room makes her even a little more nutty.

I am sorry to say it, but I have to spoil the ending in order to make my long-winded point...which is that she rips the wallpaper down piece by piece. I won't spoil the actual meaning of why she does it. You can read it if you so chose, but she scrapes at the wallpaper like the mad woman she is. She needs to get the wallpaper off of the wall. She can not help it. She is compelled. It is driving her mad. She thinks it will help if she keeps pulling so she lets her irrational desire overtake her.

This story and the madwoman is probably the best way that I can explain what it is like to lose my hair because of chemotherapy. I feel like that mad woman pulling the wallpaper off the wall, except the wallpaper is my hair and the wall is my scalp. I am compelled, driven by pain. At times I scratch it because the tingling is a raw ache. Once you scratch one area and get that resolved, another area picks up. It doesn't matter where it is, the dryness of the scalp can make a normal person go insane. Wherever you scratch, hair falls out. It is a bizarre experience, something no adult should have to endure.

The best thing to do is to shave it off, yet that does not get the hair out of the follicle. This separation must still take place; the shaving just helps with the weight of the hair. My scalp has been aching for a couple of weeks, but when the alopecia really kicks in, it is a bit unbearable at times. It has made me an irritable person, though I try to hide that. I don't like being cranky, I don't take my issues out on other people. But I find the only way not to be frustrated is to remove myself from the world so I can be the madwoman and rip out my "wallpaper".

Michael and I went out on a date last night and I got my short hair into a funky style, but I started to get too comfortable with my new look. That is when it happens, when the shedding takes place. After we got home and got the kids to bed, I laid down and could not get to sleep. I could not stop scratching. I got up and did just about anything I could to get the hair out of my head. I know that sounds insane, but it is an natural drive. It is like I have no control over it. If you itch, you scratch. I got a lot of the hair out, but was not really able to get to sleep until around 5am. The problem was every time I laid my head down on the pillow, the raw irritation would re-awaken....and I would scratch, scratch, scratch.

Today I took a shower with shampoo formulated for the dry scalp caused by chemo and radiation. And, I pulled as much hair out as I could. I know that sounds crazy, again, but it is what it is. Morgan and I went shopping for Michael's birthday(tomorrow) and I got some fun hats to help my inner diva come out. I have a wig, too. I keep preparing, but there is no real way to get comfort around losing all your hair. It is impossible to accept, yet a necessary part of the game for me.

So, what will I do? I will probably have Morgan and Jack shave it tomorrow after church, if I can make it through tonight with the pain. I would like one more day with bangs and hair peeking out of a hat. Then we will shave it and I will move on. I will accept it. I will talk about it with people to make them feel comfortable with me, to acclimate them to diversity and I will act like I am fine with it...because that is what I do.

Yet, every once in a while, when I have on an Audrey Hepburn hat and oversized glasses, the tears will form in my eyes and I will work to keep them back. I will try to forget that I am embarrased to be bald, that I have been proven to be "human" once again. However, I will then remember my sophomore literature class in college and think about the journey. I will try to remember that life is about the journey, not the end of chemo or when my hair grows back in. I can't hold my breath until that happens, I have to breath now.

I know I am fine. I know I am healing. I believe in my ability to respond to medicines. I know I am fierce competitor. So if losing my hair is part of the battle, I will do it so I can win the war!

I hope this gives you a peak into what this strange experience is like. Blessings to each of you!
Lolo

Thursday, May 22, 2008

Search for Meaning




No hair loss yet. Not sure why, it should be coming out by this weekend. I asked my hairstylist to cut my hair super short this week because it was already starting to ache. I am not sure why this happens, but when chemo-induced alopecia takes place on the scalp, it really hurts. I learned the last time that it is just best to shave it off once the floodgates open up. However, those gates have not opened yet so for now i am enjoying a little more hair than I will have in a week. Since she cut the hair off, there is less aching, which is nice.

I have promised both Morgan and Jack that they can shave my head when the time comes. This really helps younger kids to feel a part of the process and to somehow take control of it. It is the same for me. I look for things or situations that will help me feel empowered. Granted there are a lot of choices with cancer that are not really choices, they are "must-do's"...such as doing chemotherapy and/or a surgery. Sometimes the options are limited. However, even in those situations, I come to a place where I feel as though I am accepting the decision. I may not be in control of what is going on, but I can take part in acceptance...which is HUGE.

I have met many cancer survivors in my last three years who are really "survive and thrive" kinda girls. These are the ones who take charge of their medical team, evaluate their nutrition and take part in ALL choices associated with their disease. The come to the table with good questions and don't accept answers that don't make sense. They make the doctors explain things so they can understand. These women thrive through cancer, often find a real identity for themselves through this awful health issue. They find their voice and they start using it!

I have also met women who have what I like to call 'Be-my-brain syndrome". These are the ones who accept the doctors assigned to them and just try to close their eyes through the whole experience. There may be shame associated with the disease, their may be guilt. I do not fault these women for feeling this way. There are times that all of us feel that way. I would love for there to be a Laura Plunkett sitting across the table from me...she would be five years older than now and she would tell me all the decisions to make. But, that is not the way life works. We can choose to the let the doctors make all the decisions, but often we will find ourselves feeling powerless in the situation because we are taking a passive seat in the cancer car.

About three months before I got diagnosed, I read this book called "A Man's Search for Meaning" by Viktor Frankl. Frankl wrote about his experience in a Nazi Germany concentration camp. He was a psychiatrist, an observer. What he learned through his experience was that the people who could visualize themselves on the other side of the camp...the ones who found purpose in their situation were the ones who survived. The ones who took a backseat to the process and had given up hope, they were often the ones who did not make it through the camps for various reasons.

This book was so enlightening for me. It is still one of my favorites. It gave me tools to understand my cancer situation, to know that I must find a purpose and that I can survive this wretched disease. I have had a couple of times when doctors have stolen my hope or made me feel a lesser of a patient, but those situations are so few and far between. They are miniscule in relation to the wonderful, empowering medical team I have.

I have found purpose in my disease. I own it. I call it "my disease" because it is mine. I do not think it is ugly, in fact it is just a part of me. I face it daily and I work on every aspect of myself (including personality, mental health, emotional health, physical health, nutrition). I have transformed my life from the anxious girl four years ago to the woman who takes on cancer. There is no stone unturned from my end because I am in a battle for my life and I plan on winning. I also want to help each and every one of you address your own health issues. YOU are part of my purpose. I don't mind being the guinea pig with this and I know we have had a lot of downs on this journey that are probably easier to focus on than the ups. But, if you think of those downs, just try to visualize me as a 90-year-old scrappy grandma who is still riding her bike and teaching her grandkids to do the same. That is what I see in my future.

Find purpose in your health issues and recognize the small steps of progress that you make each day because they matter!

Blessings,
Lolo

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

Blog fix

It was brought to my attention by my husband that the link to the Dr. Oz and the liver page (upper right) was not working. I corrected it. You can now click on it and read the article on Oprah's web site. I encourage you to hit the additional links if you have time. Dr Oz is really great and so easy to understand.

Blessings,
Lolo

Quick Update...

It has been a busy week, but a good one. The fatigue from chemo is starting to set in a little more, but I have still managed to start to do some training walks with my sister for the 3-day breast cancer walk in Chicago. I got out on my bike once last week and my stamina was SHOT. It is amazing what three weeks on chemotherapy can do to erase the strength, however, I am not discouraged. I am rarely discouraged. I am just in fighting mode with cancer. It won't always be this way, but for now cancer interrupts my training every once in a while and I just have to accept that.

I plan on riding my bike this weekend. even if for just 10 miles. I know it will be harder than most times, but I have to do it. Riding the bike makes me feel normal. On most days it helps me forget about my cancer and just enjoy the ride. Riding the bike is the closest thing I can find to flying. Maybe I will get more daring later and do skydiving or something, but right now with all that I have going on...riding the bike is a great adventure for me. So, I will keep on getting back on even if I don't feel great...because at some point I will feel great again. That time is just around the corner.

I have five more rounds of this chemo, with my next round being this Friday. The side effects are noticeable, but manageable. No hair loss yet, but I chopped my hair pretty short in anticipation of it. When you start to lose your hair like that, the weight of hair being longer can really cause a lot of pain. I learned this the last time so as soon as it starts to go...Michael and the kids will shave it. Morgan is very excited about this. Jack will be too.

I submitted another story for competition last night. It is a story about my hair loss the first time. I really love the story. If it doesn't win this competition, I will just put it in the book and be okay with that. My mom and I are working on submitting book proposals for me to editors and publishers by the end of the month, but we are trying to take it slow because planning for the breast cancer mailing is coming up! Yikes! So much going on in this house. See, there is only living with cancer in the house. I am not sure how we manage it, but with a lot of love and support...we can get a lot done!

Gotta go to a lunch date with an old girlfriend!

Blessings,
Lolo

Saturday, May 17, 2008

Fear vs. anxiety...


Wikipedia says that "fear is an emotional response to tangible and realistic dangers." Anxiety, on the other hand "arises out of proportion to the actual danger or threat involved." So what does this all mean?

Well, about seven years ago, I figured out that I had anxiety. I diagnose myself with a lot of things, the same with my family members. This time, I thought I had AD/HD, but I was wrong. It was anxiety. The psychological community would call it generalized anxiety. What this means is that my gauge is off when it comes to danger. I have a hyperactive sensitivity to everything. Knowing this has helped me acclimate to the real world. Not knowing this would make me think that my sensitivity was actually right.

I am glad I was wrong because I was not a happy person. I had all the right elements for a happy life. I had a great husband, a beautiful little girl, but I wasn't happy. I just worried all of the time. I couldn't figure out what was wrong until I went to counseling. My type A personality and my drive for perfection was making me sad. Perfection is a line that can never fully be achieved. It is a myth. However, it is a myth that many of us buy into. I did for a long time, but realizing that I didn't need to do this, gave me the freedom to be me. I started to see my flaws and accept them.

However, my awakening helped me to recognize some of these anxious behaviors in my little girl. She has a huge desire to do good. She wants to make all her friends happy, she craves harmony in her world. However, she also has a good case of the "what ifs" on most days. The what if this happens or what if that happens? Sensitivity can be a wonderful thing when kept in check, but when it creates a good case of the "awfulisms", it has gone too far. Above, is a picture of Morgan overcoming her anxiety and being a part of a team. She played her last game of soccer today and she was hustling down the field and fully engaging in the sport. Michael and I are so proud of her for working on her anxiety.

When I first got diagnosed with cancer, I thought it must be a cruel joke to give a person with anxiety, cancer. However, as it turns out, there are many gifts that have come from this disease. Cancer has freed me up from a lot of my anxieties. It has helped me to laugh at myself a lot. It has helped me to know that most people are very loving, they just don't know how to show it. It has also helped me to gauge fear vs. anxiety. I try to anticipate real fears that my kids may have and talk to them about it. Michael and I include them in treatment and make them aware of what is going on with me.

On most days, I do not fear my cancer. I respect it, fully. I know what it could do to me, but I also know that there are a multitude of medicines to fight...many of which I have not even used yet. There are a myriad of wonderdrugs that are on the horizon as well. I already know that I can lose my hair and I will be okay. I already know that medicines continue to save my life and the lives of other women. I have been in good shape, had my training interrupted and had to start all over. I will have to do that again once this chemo is over. But, my resolve is strong and I will do it. I respect my disease, but I also respect the tools in my arsenal. I own my disease because it is mine. I deal with any anxieties that come my way and transform them into something good. I encourage each of you to really look at your health, own any issues and transform your life!

Blessings,
Lolo

Friday, May 16, 2008

Chemo, round 3!

I just got home from my treatment, which took the bulk of the day. Overall, my doctors think I am responding to the medicine well. It is really hard to tell until we do full body scans in June. However, I have just decided to believe that the medicine is working. There are medical reasons for me to think this, but I am a strong believer in the mind-body connection. They both work together for optimal healing.

Chemo does not come without side effects so I thought I would share some of that experience with you. Since chemo goes after fast-growing cells, it can sometimes deplete the white blood cell count. The balance that a good oncologist tries to create is to allow the medicine to work its magic on destroying the cancer without actually depleting your white blood cells. If these become depleted, with the Absolute Neutrophils being low, an infection will ensue. (Absolute Neutrophils represent the mature white blood cells.)

In order to avoid this issue, there are medicines such as neupogen and neulasta that help create bone marrow and increase white blood cell count. Neupogen is more of a quick fix so usually patients will have to go in over multiple days to get the WBC boost needed. Last week, I went in for a shot on Sunday, Monday and Tuesday. Neulasta has a longer maturation process so you get the shot once in hopes that it will increase WBC over time. I will be getting a Neualasta shot tomorrow that will stay in my system for a week or so. These shots help women to stay on chemo in a consistent schedule, which is an important factor in chemo success.

Other side effects include...having my mouth taste like a battery. Yum! It is bizarre. It actually tastes like it would if my mouth were sucking on a battery. Lemon drops can help, but you just have to get use to the new taste buds. Peripheral neuropathy, is a temporary state in which your fingers and toes feel numb. This can happen on the chemo I am on. It has not happened yet, but it will.

Alopecia, the medical name for hair loss. As I have mentioned in the past blogs, I am in the phase of alopecia wear my scalp tingles and aches. I assume that my hair will actually start to shed over this next week. Once it goes, the pain will increase so I will have Michael, Mo and Jack shave it off.

Fatigue is a big one, too. However, I was able to get out and ride my bike last night. My stamina is shot, but you have to start somewhere. Chemo, itself, is far less scary to experience than what you might think. Sometimes, it is just a necessary evil that must be endured.

Blessings,
Lolo

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Batter up!



Here is a picture of Michael teaching Jack what to do with a baseball bat! I thought it would be timely as Michael is off at t-ball practice with Jack. Morgan is with them, too. She is the assistant coach to help Michael. This is the first practice so we will see how all this coaching goes. Jack was nervous and a little shy before he left, but I just gave him hugs and told him that he would get to run a lot at practice. He seemed to like that.

So, while my family is off having fun, I thought I would write a blog update. Things are good here, but I am relatively fatigued. I am pretty sure it is the medicine doing this. I slept for TWO hours this afternoon, which is not something I can normally do. However, I am just trying to go with it. So, if I feel that I have energy, I try to do something like walk on the treadmill or do weights. If I don't have energy, then I rest because the medicine is working its magic.

What else? My scalp is very achy at this point. No hair is falling out, but I will start shedding sometime over the next week. One of my medicines, Tykerb, also causes a rash. The rash, which comes in the form of acne for most, is usually a sign that the medicine is working. Because I have sensitive skin, I always get the "skin" side effects of my meds so I have the rash on my face and my head. So, the achiness on my head might partially be due to the sensitivity from the rash.

There is not a lot they can do for the rash as they don't want to mess with the dosage and they don't want me to take topical medicines that might interfere with the cancer-fighting agents. This is fine with me because topical medicines (e.g.Retin-A) dry me out to the point that I have to work to keep my skin moisturized. So, I have done a lot of research on skin cleansers that will work for me. Whole Foods has a good cleanser product that works with your current pH balance to keep your skin from being too acidic or too alkaline. So, I tried that skin care line out, which is Dr. Hauschka. We will see if it holds up with these new medicines. I may need to tweak it. But, for now, I have to view the rash as a good thing...as a sign the medicine is working.

Overall, I feel pretty good. Being fatigued and having a rash and losing my hair...and whatever other side effects are WORTH IT because it is cleaning the cancer from my body. Don't get me wrong, there are bad days...days where I feel sad, but I have no understanding of why I got this disease so I don't try waste my energy on trying to figure it out. All I know is that I have the tools to fight and THAT is a privilege. So, I will fight.

Blessings,
Lolo

Monday, May 12, 2008

Changed my picture...

So I changed my picture to one of my new looks. The ETA on my hair loss is around Friday of next week (May 23rd). However, my scalp is already sore, which is a sign that the hair is on the move OUT. I am getting a couple of fun wigs this time. I am not insisting on real hair because I did that last time and I learned it doesn't really matter. Real hair wigs are SO expensive. I actually learned that hair doesn't matter. I can't believe I am saying this because the Laura of four years ago cared about her hair, even coveted it a little. I guess that is my life lesson to learn during this process...or at least one of them. People love me even if I don't have my hair. That is a wonderful thing to know.

My kids don't care about my hair. They are already chomping at the bit to shave my head. My husband doesn't care. He says I look cute bald. Wow, what a nice guy, huh? My mom and my sister and my dad don't care...neither do my friends. As it turns out, the only one who cared about my hair was ME (and my hairstylist...she likes my hair.) I wish I was comfortable enough to ROCK the bald look, but I am not. I won't go around showing my bald head to any of you. That is a limited access kind of thing. But as soon as a small layer of growth comes back, I will just live with the short hair look as it grows back in.

In anticipation of losing it, my hair stylist and I are getting together this weekend to cut it super short. It will help because my hair is thick and heavy and it will really start to ache when it starts to shed. Incidentally, I am saving some of the hair on my scalp to send in for some toxicity testing with this nutritionists. I will be interested to see if she says I have aspartame overload from all that soda I used to drink. The test is cool because she will tell me what to take to detox my liver. I will only do this if approved by my oncologist and may selectively choose the things the nutritionist says based on the medicine I will be on at the time. I will keep you posted on the results.

Don't get me wrong. It will be sad to lose my hair again. But, I grieve quickly. I let myself be sad...I mean, fully feel it, and then I move on about two minutes later. Life goes on. Hair grows back. In some ways, the shedding of my hair allows me to feel the cancer being purged from my body. It is a visible sign of the purification going on within my body. I am alive and on the mend. I will learn to live without my hair, again. And, I will learn to accept it when it grows back.

Blessings,
Lolo

Making your liver happy!

I had chemo, round 2, on Friday. The drugs I am on are pretty strong, but they are working pretty well. Already, my liver enzyme counts that were high a week before are coming down. This means my liver is less "stressed" out, which is very good. Having a stressed out liver is not a good thing.

I do want to correct a statement I made last week, that my cancer hasn't affected me...that it is just the medicine. In thinking about this statement, I do want to say that fatigue is always a precursor to a cancer flare up. I was feeling fatigued before we got this update on my diagnosis. I think this is because the liver is so important in processing food and regulating energy in our bodies.

Not sure if any of you follow Dr. Oz, one of the authors of the YOU series. YOU, the owner's manual, YOU on a diet, YOU, the smart patient, etc. These are amazing books, extremely plainspoken even though they are written by two brainy doctors. If you haven't invested in one of these books, you might peruse them at the book store. Regardless, of the main subject matter, they are always about maintaining good health. Even YOU on a Diet is about fighting heart disease.

He has also been branded by Oprah and is often on her show. I love him because he talks about everything, no subject matter or question is off limits. If you invest a little time with him, you will find it is time well-spent. You will learn more about your body and will feel better for it.

Last week he was on a talk show, my chemo brain is already setting in so I can't remember if it was good morning america or the today show. He and his author partner, Roizin, talked about the liver and its importance. I am still working on finding the link to that video because they had foods that are good for the liver and explained the organ's role in the body. I thought it was timely for the blog because I have talked about my liver.

My liver is recovering and will continue to be on the mend, I am thankful that the liver is so resilient. There is a lot that can be learned about the liver. Instead of me writing about it, I thought I would add a link to the Oprah site where Dr. Oz talks about the liver. He explains how there is stem cell functionality in the liver so it can repair itself, if given the right tools. These tools for many of us are food. For me, my tools include meds that target the liver. The liver can also regenerate if a section is taken out, very cool!

Some foods that are good for the liver are veggies, eggs, milk and COFFEE! A shocker, but coffee can help the liver fight off cancer. Interesting. Some of the things that are bad for the liver include alcohol. Unfortunately, no matter which kind of alcohol, it is all bad for the liver. It taxes it and makes processing things a little more difficult.

I thought this was a good link (to the right) because there are more links attached. One is a link about making your liver happy. Consider trying some of the things because your liver is the most important organ in the body, even a heart surgeon like Dr. Oz says so. :)

Blessings,
Lolo

Friday, May 9, 2008

Round two...ding ding!

This morning, I will do round two of this new chemotherapy. I may be a little tired over the next couple of days so I might not post over the weekend. Also, tomorrow is my birthday and Sunday is Mother's Day! So if I am awake and feeling good, I will be celebrating with loved ones! Talk to you soon!

Happy Mother's Day to all moms out there!

Blessings,
Lolo

Thursday, May 8, 2008

Reject passive acceptance.



Bertrand Russell, the philosopher, was once quoted as saying;" passive acceptance of the teacher's wisdom is easy to most boys and girls. It involves no effort of independent thought, and seems rational because the teacher knows more than his (or her) pupils...yet the habit of passive acceptance is a disastrous one in later life. It causes man to seek and to accept a leader, and to accept as a leader whoever is established in that position."

I believe most of us apply "passive acceptance" when it comes to our physicians and to our own health. I am glad to finally have found the term for our inherent condition. It can happen to any of us. We can be a stubborn and tenacious leader in our every day life, but when it comes to our doctors...we acquiesce to their decisions and their assessments of us. I am not blaming anyone for doing this. I have done it myself. I did it all the way until I got cancer.

Before my diagnosis, I was really good at diagnosing our own family problems...from Michael's sleep apnea to my generalized anxiety. I figured out that I was hypoglycemic and I told my doctor so she could perform the test to confirm it. She did and I was hypoglycemic. But, I started to have periods of major exhaustion after Morgan was born. I pushed my doctor for more tests. i asked for basic bloodwork and for additional assessments.

Everything came back normal, yet I wasn't acting normal. I was sleepy all the time, my energy was all over the place. I used to be able to work out and was very athletic through college. Yet during this period of time, there wasn't much I could do in terms of exercise. I was greyed out, pale. And, when I would get sick with something, it would really knock me out for days. I wasn't behaving like a 32-year-old, yet my doctos had done all they could do with basic testing and I accepted it. (I have a great primary care physician and am not sure if I could have pushed harder in any way. They did their best for me, but traditional medicine doesn't always know how to deal with the unknown. Doctors apply a standard of care that works for most people, but not all people.)

When I got diagnosed, it was a form of validation for me. I realized that the cancer was what was causing my exhaustion. My body was fighting it off, yet there was no tumor for me to notice. So the mystery of my energy loss was not known until I found my lump in December 2004. I was scared and so was Michael. All the information we got for my diagnosis was that my disease was aggressive, that it wasn't normal for people my age to get this disease. Yet, I sat in my first oncologist's office and had him assess me. He seemed to think I was pretty standard.

He said my cancer was probably stage I or II and that I probably didn't have lymph node involvement. He said I might, though. However, he thought it was unlikely that i had cancer elsewhere so they wouldn't do full body scans or tumor markers on me. There was no need. He told me that by the time they find cancer on other body parts, there is nothing they could do for the person so they don't even do extensive follow-ups.

This oncologist was cute and had all the right credentials. If I was interviewing for the best oncologist in the area, he would have made the cut by credentials alone. His cuteness made him even more intimidating to me. Michael and I joked about it that day because Michael said he was cute as a button. He was just a couple of years older than me and seemed to really like me. He thought i should do four rounds of chemo and be done with cancer. He thought that would be all I needed.

I was dumbfounded because I had been going to all these meetings where people said I had aggressive disease and he was telling me I was standard. So standard that they would only address recurrence with minimal efforts. He started talking about statistics of survival, which I can assure you are not comforting...that is when it hit me. He saw me as a number, just one more person that would go through his office. In most instances he would be right with his assessment and I harbor no bad feelings toward him, but he was wrong in my case. I was already stage IV, sitting in his office. I had a small tumor on my liver that KU would find through full body scans.

I am thankful, in retrospect, that my rejection of "passive acceptance" kicked in...that I was able to follow my instinct and know that my cancer was not standard, that I was not a statistic and that I wanted to do all I could to survive this disease. I am surprised that I acknowledged my voice in the process. I just knew I had a 0.4% chance of getting this disease and I still got it...so if I am THAT unique, then I am unique enough for a detailed assessment of my body and actual knowledge that there is or isn't anymore cancer in my body. I am also unique enough to survive it regardless of the survival statistics.

I was polite to him, but I had already made my decision before I left his office. I had scheduled a second opinion at KU, but Michael and I were hopeful that our KU second opinion would become our doctor. I knew we were going to "break up" with our first oncologist. I realized then that just because he came recommended by my surgeon, didn't mean I needed to accept him on our medical team. He was a good doctor, just not my doctor.

I did some research on my disease, came up with a list of questions for the second opinion doctor regarding my parameters for success. These were things that Michael and I wanted to know (e.g the use of full body scans and tumor markers, standard chemo for a young girl like me, etc.) I went to a support group and got their seasoned input. Then we made our way to our second opinion. Michael and I met with the doctor and his team. We asked our questions. We did our interview and decided he would be our oncologist. He made the cut because his standard of care met ours and because he really listened to me.

This decision to be with Dr. Khan at KU Med has saved my life over and over. He is a trusted member of our medical team, someone who respects my opinion and wants me to ask questions. I am thankful for him every day of my life. I am not sure where my courage came from, to reject the doctor we had been assigned. It was awkward for me, but I felt like cancer backed me in a corner and I was going to come out fighting. I just wanted the best and the brightest fighters to be coming out of that corner with me....and they are!

I encourage each of you to be in charge of your medical team, to have doctors who respect you. Get your questions answered, whatever they are because your opinion matters. You lead your medical team. In most instances, insurance allows you to have the freedom to hire and fire so use it! Reject passive acceptance! You are your health are too important for you not too...

Blessings,
Lolo

P.S. The picture is of me in one of my new do rags, camouflage! My friend, Tina, got it for me along with some others. Very cool of her!

Wednesday, May 7, 2008

Check them out!

Today...there are two new posts and some juicing recipes! Hope you enjoy!

Blessings,
Lolo

When I was a kid....

Some of you may not know me very well while others of you have known me since I was a little girl. So, I wanted to tell or remind some of you that when I was a kid, I was that shy little girl...the one who hid behind the brightness of her big sister's light or the legs of her mother. When relatives came over, I was afraid of them. If I did not see people on a daily basis, I was terribly shy around them. My kindergarten year was horrific. It was my introduction to traditional school, but I was so shy that I cried when my mom left and my teacher didn't know how to tolerate it. I went through my cry-baby phase at the age of 4 because I was not as tough as the other kids on the block and I was always picked last on the neighborhood baseball team, regardless of my skill. In junior high and high school, I worked to remain "Good". I became so good that I think my peers were not sure how to deal with me. I don't blame them at all. In retrospect, I believe I was invisible...even to myself.

Because of my inherent shyness, it was difficult for me to open up to others and to share. It was hard for me to accept my voice and know that others wanted to know me. I could do so in writing. Writing was easy. So was standing on a stage and public speaking. But personal sharing was not so easy for me. Some of you may notice that I still struggle with expressing myself at a one-on-one level. When people look directly at me, I often look away. I also struggle with asking for what I need in a relationship and will often just accept exactly what people give to me. People have sometimes misunderstood my shyness and desire to be good as being aloof. But, over time, people understand that I am not that way at all. I really enjoy sharing and giving and being a thoughtful friend.

Cancer opened me up so much. Altered me from the girl who wouldn't change clothes in a locker room with other women to someone who will show her scars, upon request...well all the socially appropriate ones. It has made me open up emotionally to strangers and recognize that my cancer is not just my own...it is my family's, my friend's, etc. In some ways, it is easier for me to assess the disease because it is happening to me. It is easier for me to know the strength of the medicines or the power behind the scalpel because I feel the work being done. I think it is harder to be the stander-by because regardless of what I may communicate...there is still a feeling of helplessness for some.

I have tried to mitigate that feeling through through emailing and communicating to people via phone, but it is overwhelming for Michael and me. We have found that the news spreads faster than we can anticipate. I feel bad when I don't have timem to communicate to someone directly. I never want to hurt anyone's feelings, but the cancer issue is way bigger than me. I am just a part of it. Sometimes people look at me with fear...fear for me and fear of me. It doesn't matter, it reads the same to me. Sometimes uninformed people have spread misinformation with good intentions. People sometimes react to me in very strange ways and I am still learning to accept that I can not always be the one to convey information about myself. Because of all of these things, I created the blog. I wanted to be the source of the information that is shared so people can have an accurate view. I also want to make it easier for any of you to feel a part of the journey even though you are not the one going through it. I don't want anyone to feel left out, yet I have found that I can not meet everyone's needs...a truth I am learning to accept.

Regardless of my efforts, there have still been some people in my life who want back-stage passes to me and my disease. The numbers are few at this point, but these people either want me to constantly update them first-hand or they just want more of me than I can give to a relationship outside my family. For those of you who don't really know me, I fight hard not to fill that demand and meet that need. I am a caregiver at heart, a good student and a people pleaser. I want to make people's world's better, to ease their pain. I also enjoy making people happy. But, I have given so much of myself in the past that there has been no energy left for me. I believe that is when cancer crept in so I have had to reroute my energy so I can nurture myself through emotional, physical and mental practices. Yet, Michael and I have had to set some clear boundaries with some people so that they will not overwhelm our world. We have cancer in the family. It is like having a third child. It takes that much attention and time, as it should. We are combatting it with the best of meds and docs, but it is a difficult foe. It wants to win, but SO DO I. It needs a lot of attention, even though I am a tough competitor. So, I have to retreat from the world, at times, to fight. Please don't take offense to that, just know that is what I am doing. I am learning how to live with cancer.

An anonymous commenter made some interesting comments on the other day on the blog. This person was clearly angry with me and I am sorry for that. I feel pretty sure that this person is one of the people we have had to set clear boundaries with and they may comment even more when I make this post. I regret that we have had to set these limits because I couldn't take care of my health and family or blog any of you if I updated this person as much as they would like and/or stayed in a toxic relationship. I could not meet their needs, they wanted too much of me. I appreciate that some of you came to my defense in your comments, but I encourage all of you to not spend too much more energy on this person's comments. They have their agenda they are trying to push, which is not about the blog at all. It is natural for them to be angry with me because I am not doing what they want. But I am an adult and like all of you...I have to make choices in the people I let in my world of Plunkett. I wasn't very good at this before cancer, but I am learning to find my voice and make my own decisions. I will just have to accept that not everyone agrees with them. I can't change this person's perspective on wanting more of my time. It is not something I can give. I have Michael, Morgan, Jack and Cancer. These are the things that matter.

Please know I would not blog if I didn't want to..I wouldn't make myself so vulnerable to you if I didn't think there was a message to be shared. Also know, at heart, I am still just that shy girl who wants to hide behind my mom's legs again...but I can't because I have learned so much through this journey. I am forcing myself in front of those legs and walking towards the fight and communicating to you while doing so. I am also setting healthy boundaries for my life, that is one of the life lessons I am working on. Please know it is not easy to be graceful all of the time. I am also a clutz, at heart, too. :) I hope you can throw some kindness my way if I ever sound rough. Tone is not something I can convey via a blog, but my voice is strong, yet soft. There is no bitterness or angryness in me. It is not a part of my soul.

My messsage the other day might have sounded defensive if you didn't know me. That was not how it was meant. There is just no good way to communicate cancer and there is no good way to react to it. Cancer is not graceful. It makes all of us stumble over our words. To avoid sounding defensive in the future, I will not spend any more time putting warnings on my blogs about bad information. I will assume each of you know my battle is a hard one, but that you believe in me. Good cheers and positivity are what I need now. I will assume you know that. I really do appreciate your support. I am sensitive to others...I will be that mom who goes after the shy kid at a school party to help them feel welcome. I want everyone to feel good. So I have tried to address the angry commenters concerns but this is all the energy I will spend toward it. I would encourage the commenter to start their own blog if they want to make more comments like that. Free speach is available, but this blog is about fighting cancer, not the agenda of this commenter...

I would also encourage you to eat your veggies and believe in your good health! Thanks for your support! Rock on, bloggers!

Blessings,
Lolo

Chemo gets a bad rap!


So, people sometimes wonder why I always opt for the tougher medicines or surgeries when given the choice. There have been multiple times along this journey where Michael and I have been the ones to choose the tough road instead of the easy one. We have also chosen the tough road in these instances. Sometimes, this meant surgery, but other times this has meant doing chemotherapy when there was no known assurance it was the "right" thing to do.

I wanted to explain that a little today. I have also talked about how chemotherapies and other drugs are a luxury for my cancer, breast cancer. There have been many brave people before me who brought attention to breast cancer, raised money and made a difference in terms of research. These steps have directly affect me, someone who had no known risks of the disease and no family history.

Chemotherapy, itself, is the name applied to several drugs that make blast at the fast-growing cells in the body. Cancer cells are fast-growing, but so is hair, stomach and the mouth. Chemo, though tough, does not have the ability to discern these cells from eachother. Because of that, it wipes out the hair, causes mouth sores, depletes the white blood cells and causes nausea and other side-effects. There are many meds that keep these side effects in check. In all my chemo, I have only had one incidence of vomiting and very little nausea. Each chemo will have additional side effects such as peripheral neuropathy (numbness in fingers and toes).

These side effects will roll through the body after the chemotherapy is infused into the body via a vein or temporary port that is placed in the chest or arm. For me, I have weekly treatments. During my treatment, they will give me pre-meds that include anti-nausea meds that will be in my system for three days. Sometimes these meds are in pill form, it just depends on the type of med being administered. These meds work in amazing ways. Noone should have major nausea issues on chemo because the meds are out there to help.

For the first three days after my treatment last week, I was pretty out of it. I had fevers and slept a lot, but as my body gets acclimated to the medicine, those days will get easier. Motrin helped and Michael and my family are troupers. They keep the kids busy and pay attention to them so they are happy. On the fourth day after, Tuesday, I started to feel pretty good and didn't have to take any over the counter meds to feel better. Today, which is day five, I am even better. I do get the chills every once in a while, but I was able to get the kids ready for school today and go to Target. That is pretty good for me.

Chemo, overall, is very doable and if given the option to do meds or stay away from them...I will always choose meds. They have helped keep my disease manageable and be an active person. Don't get me wrong, there are bad days. When they are bad, I let myself feel bad. I rest and don't overdo it. If I get down, I journal. I take action about things, I always try to feel that I am in charge of my treatment and disease. I have also been afraid of my cancer, but I try to turn that into respect. I tell people I dance with my cancer, but I always try to lead. Before this new medicine, I felt that the cancer was leading a little and I was ill-at-ease. Now, I feel much better because I am armed to fight.

I haven't lost my hair yet, but my friend Tina taught me how to tie a bandana into a do rag really well today. So, I am going to get some of those and wear them through the summer. I will start wearing them now so the kids are used to them by the time the hair falls out. I have learned that hair is over-rated when it comes to staying healthy. There is no comparison. I attached a picture of Jack and me with my do rag on. As I start to lose hair and get acclimated to that process, I will take pictures and keep you a part of that as well. It will happen in about two weeks, but the shedding process takes only 3 days. WILD.

Blessings,
Lolo

Tuesday, May 6, 2008

Veggies and chlorophyll drinks

So, I got some good questions from Scott regarding what veggies are good to mix together and how to get started with this whole juicing thing. He also asked about chlorophyll. I will give you all a little detail about these things.

First of all, don't get too wrapped up in buying a juicer and overwhelming your kitchen with veggies that you may or may not like. Most veggies, that are juiced, have a natural sweetness to them. The juice tastes WAY better than the veggie so that should be encouraging to each of you. You might have an appliance at home that serves as a juicer, but you didn't realize was a juicer. Like the Magic Bullet, which is a juicer, blender, mixer. I went to target and bought a cheap Juiceman, I have gotten my $50 out of it. I realize $50 is not ideal to spend, but you will find that you actually like some of the juices once your taste buds get used to them. And, many books have a fruit juice section so your kids will go crazy for that. That is a good way to get them started on juicing.

My staple drink is 3 carrots, 3 or 4 stalks of celery, 2 apples(for sweetness) and 4 to 6 kale leafs. What is kale? That is what i asked when I got started because I got a little overwhelmed by all the veggies. Kale is a leafy green that is darker green and in the lettuce section. All grocer sections should have kale. If they have an organic section, it may be there. You will be surprised that all these veggies only make about an 8oz glass of juice. But, it is a good serving size. A good starter set for veggies for a while. Other things to add if you want some more taste is beets, but don't overwhelm your system with beets. Beets, in general, MOVE food in your body. So you want to be gentle with them and respect the POWER OF THE BEET!

Lastly, if you go to www.herbsetc.com, you will find a supplement called Chloroxygen water. This is what I use. It is a small bottle with a dropper and you just drop between 8 to 16 drops in your water. It makes your water green, but if you can get over that, it tastes pretty decent. It kind of tastes like you are eating grass...I have not really tasted grass before so please don't imagine me doing so. Though, I should probably take that back because I do use wheatgrass in juicing and it tastes just fine. Regardless, these dropper systems are helpful because you can used distilled/regular water and it won't be so expensive. There are a lot of very pricey products that talk about ionized water and though they may be great, I am not sure you all need to go to expensive measures for health maintenance. You might check out Whole Foods, Wild Oats or any other organic food store for the chloroxygen water. They should have it, the product is a great source of chlorophyll, while also boosting the production of red blood cells and creating more oxygen at the cellular level. All good things.

I appreciate all of your thoughtful comments...Scott has some really great questions. I hope all of you feel welcome to post questions. I don't want anyone to be afraid to do that. There is really no question that I won't answer because that is just the way I am now. Cancer stripped me of my modestly and I am totally okay with that. Each time I respond to questions, it helps me process information in my head even further. They say the best way to learn something is to teach it.

As always, I feel privileged to be alive and healing....to have access to such great information regarding health, medicine and nutrition...and my doctors! Sometime, I am going to write a full post about my oncologist and how he has saved my life a multitude of times. He rocks! In the meantime, I hope that I am putting all this information in an easy-to-read format and making it more accessible to YOU...so that learning is easy and fun.

God bless each of you.
Lolo

Monday, May 5, 2008

New meds, new bump in the road...

So, I am only encouraging you to read this if you have a positive outlook because I do. i just want to be honest with people so all of you can look to the blog and I don't have to talk about myself at family events, friends events, etc. I am really not that interesting, but for some reason, this cancer journey has put me at the center of a lot of people's hearts, as well as their gossip. I am thankful for the prayers and positive energy people send my way, but I have never wanted to be part of a rumor mill, have really tried to live my life to be as GOOD as possible. I haven't always achieved this goal, but I have tried. I have no choice these days so I am going to share the information with you directly so you know from me.

We had scans last week and it looks like there is more cancerous activity in my liver. Although we are extremely encouraged by the fact that my lungs responded to the last set of medicines....it seems that they did nothing to keep my liver in check. My liver has been in check for some time so this was a bit surprising. Regardless, we are going to do a couple of things to fix it. First and foremost, we are starting some new medicines. One of these drugs is a chemo, and is a sister drug to some other drugs I have responded to ,successfully, in the past. So, we were thinking this would be the right thing to do. However, I am going to lose my hair again because this is a harsher chemo than some I have been on recently. I am not sure which"DO" I will be sporting this summer, either stylish hats or a funky wig. I am contemplating a totally fake wig that has PINK coloring on it or something fun. Will check those out later in the week.

My overall liver function is in the perfect range, seriously. It is like the rest of my body doesn't know there is cancer in there, but the liver is important. My bilirubin number is great, however, my liver is probably stressed out. So, we are doing these meds to destress my little liver and then get on a powerful clinical trial. Please do not be discouraged. If anything, be encouraged. I am strong enough to take these meds. That is a blessing. They found this activity in my liver at the earliest possible point via the scans that I get....which is a blessing. They are treatable and I am a responder to these types of meds, which is a blessing. I think we were hoping I was done with the harsher drugs, but I may need be on hard drugs for a bit longer. There are some theories regarding cancer that indicate it takes about five years to develop a cancerous tumor, so I have always thought it would be about five years from diagnosis that I would be out of the real battle of this disease. I think that is a reasonable expectation.

After this, like I said, we are working with the clinical trial people so I can get this powerful new medicine. I would explain it to you, but the documentation is not really clear for a medical amateur like myself. The medicines continue to catch up with my disease and change my story. Although the fight is harder than I would like, it is a winnable fight. I am fortunate to have these drugs, fortunate to be alive to feel frustrated about chemo. My scans and the chemos are an absolute luxury that other cancers do not have. If there are prayers, positive thoughts and positive energy you want to send my way....please do so. But, keep in mind that I am in fighting mode right now. I promise to respond to any questions you may have, especially about nutrition, but I can not take away your cancer experiences or help you cope with mine. I can encourage you to build your own beleif system, but for now, I just ask that you only be positive and don't mess with my beliefe system.:)

I know all of you that read this blog care about me in some way. I get so many comments via email or conversation. I would love to get your feedback actually on the blog, though, so that others believe it isn't scary to post. I made it easier by creating a way to comment anonymously. I only want to create a positive blog so you all know that healing is at hand...for everyone, including lil ole laura plunkett...and for YOU, for whatever burdens your health and your soul. I will tell you what I believe. I personally believe I am on a muddy pathway to healing. I am not disillusioned so please don't sell me short on that end. But, I know what I am made of and I know I can do THIS. I have never been handed anything I can't take on in this fight. I believe in the power of the human spirit and in God's powers to create miracles through medicines. I believe that is what He is doing now. (Sorry, I said no preaching, but I had to share a little of how I feel.)

These meds will cut into my bike riding and walk training I have been working on, but I am just going to try to suck it up, as I did last year. I am going to ride/walk when I feel up to it and not ride if I don't feel up to it. I will still raise money and plan on being at these events. I am going to continue to juice. I won't take all the supplements as I don't want them to interfere with the chemo....which seems to be working pretty hard on me right now. My side is actually bloated and it feels like their is an internal battle going on in that organ...because there is. The medicines have ignited a battle that my body should have done on its own.

Once again, I believe in the day where complete healing will be recognized in my body...through the use of good meds, good docs, good nutrition, etc. I hope you can believe the same!

Blessings,
Lolo