Fear vs. anxiety...

Wikipedia says that "fear is an emotional response to tangible and realistic dangers." Anxiety, on the other hand "arises out of proportion to the actual danger or threat involved." So what does this all mean?

Well, about seven years ago, I figured out that I had anxiety. I diagnose myself with a lot of things, the same with my family members. This time, I thought I had AD/HD, but I was wrong. It was anxiety. The psychological community would call it generalized anxiety. What this means is that my gauge is off when it comes to danger. I have a hyperactive sensitivity to everything. Knowing this has helped me acclimate to the real world. Not knowing this would make me think that my sensitivity was actually right.

I am glad I was wrong because I was not a happy person. I had all the right elements for a happy life. I had a great husband, a beautiful little girl, but I wasn't happy. I just worried all of the time. I couldn't figure out what was wrong until I went to counseling. My type A personality and my drive for perfection was making me sad. Perfection is a line that can never fully be achieved. It is a myth. However, it is a myth that many of us buy into. I did for a long time, but realizing that I didn't need to do this, gave me the freedom to be me. I started to see my flaws and accept them.

However, my awakening helped me to recognize some of these anxious behaviors in my little girl. She has a huge desire to do good. She wants to make all her friends happy, she craves harmony in her world. However, she also has a good case of the "what ifs" on most days. The what if this happens or what if that happens? Sensitivity can be a wonderful thing when kept in check, but when it creates a good case of the "awfulisms", it has gone too far. Above, is a picture of Morgan overcoming her anxiety and being a part of a team. She played her last game of soccer today and she was hustling down the field and fully engaging in the sport. Michael and I are so proud of her for working on her anxiety.

When I first got diagnosed with cancer, I thought it must be a cruel joke to give a person with anxiety, cancer. However, as it turns out, there are many gifts that have come from this disease. Cancer has freed me up from a lot of my anxieties. It has helped me to laugh at myself a lot. It has helped me to know that most people are very loving, they just don't know how to show it. It has also helped me to gauge fear vs. anxiety. I try to anticipate real fears that my kids may have and talk to them about it. Michael and I include them in treatment and make them aware of what is going on with me.

On most days, I do not fear my cancer. I respect it, fully. I know what it could do to me, but I also know that there are a multitude of medicines to fight...many of which I have not even used yet. There are a myriad of wonderdrugs that are on the horizon as well. I already know that I can lose my hair and I will be okay. I already know that medicines continue to save my life and the lives of other women. I have been in good shape, had my training interrupted and had to start all over. I will have to do that again once this chemo is over. But, my resolve is strong and I will do it. I respect my disease, but I also respect the tools in my arsenal. I own my disease because it is mine. I deal with any anxieties that come my way and transform them into something good. I encourage each of you to really look at your health, own any issues and transform your life!

Blessings,
Lolo