Live what you like. Like what you do.

So, I have been working on my book.  Though I am going to be published in a short-story anthology this year, I am still working on some proposals for the book.  I mapped out some chapters tonight and it was interesting.  It brought me back to what I like to call, The Year of Chemo.  It was not quite a year, but it was ten months...which is more than most. 

If I had gone with traditional thought, I would have done two months of chemo...lost my hair..and gotten back to normal.  By now, I would be in the fight for my life.  I am thankful that I am not traditional.  I can only attribute this to the grace of God for helping me recognize the signs for when one physician was not right for me.  I realize that all of you may have different spiritual viewpoints and I totally respect them.  FULLY.  So, I always promise  not to preach, yet I feel compelled to mention that faith has played more than one hand in my healing.

My cancer has given me a privileged perspective, as I have mentioned before.  I read Lance Armstrong's book, It's Not About the Bike, early on in my diagnosis.  He talks of hearing about this privileged perspective.  It was hard to hear that in the beginning, yet I knew that that he was right.  Somehow my life, although in principle was good, had somehow gotten off track.  I am not sure how this works.  It is the same way that very successful and "perfect" people can be lonely.  It is just the way life works.

I had it all, yet I was lonely.  I wasn't fulfilled and my health suffered.  I don't blame anyone else for this.  I believe we all are responsible for our own happiness, whether married or single.  I also don't blame me for this disease.  I just know that I am okay and that I am made to be whole.  So what did I do.  I hit rock bottom with cancer and then started to rebuild.  Thankfully, I had a good structure with family and friends.  Though I have had to make some alterations with close friends since then, I understand that all people can not deal with the "center stage" intensity of my disease.  I don't blame them. I don't know that I can on most days, yet I just press forward because that is what life demands of me.  It is the hand that I have been dealt and I must deal with it.:)

I was talking to one of my best friends last week about how life is meant to be purposeful, how it takes guts to put ourselves out there and make good on what we are made for.  The shirt I was wearing was a "Life is Good." shirt.  I love this company!  Morgan carries a Life Is Good backpack to school and I carry one to workouts.  I love the fact that they spread positivity.  If I could spend the rest of my days spreading positivity like this, I would consider myself a lucky person.  Michael bought me this shirt because the front says "I love to ride my bicycle!" as I do.  

But, in a small box on the front of the shirt it says "Live what you like.  Like what you do."  The simplicity of the message is amazing, yet the purity is hard to deny.  I think we all search for this purity. We search for redemption, validation and purpose.  It appears to be our human condition.  What would we be without this challenge.  I think it is our privilege.

Regardless, I posted a couple of pictures of Morgan and me while I was in chemo.  You can view me, as I actually was. No eyebrows.  Hair barely growing in, yet my pure face and blue eyes are still there.  The essence of me was never pulverized by cancer or the chemo.  I believe in the power of the human spirit.  I hope that you can believe in you.  Morgan, of course, is her beautiful self!  She was five then and her daddy had just taken her to a pizza night after preschool.  She was able to get her face painted as a butterfly.  She insisted that she not wash it off...so she could wear it the next day.  A funky kid...so we honored her spirit and let her be a butterfly the next day.

Blessingsl!

Lolo