Randy Pausch...one of my inspirations, one of the reasons I blog.

So, not long after I got diagnosed with breast cancer (in January, 2005), I started hearing the word "inspiration" ascribed to me.  It was very difficult for me to hear this.  You may not be able to believe this, but I don't really like being the center of attention.  I despise it, but I feel like I have no choice with this cancer.  I feel compelled to share so that others can learn from my experience and not be afraid.  

I am not really sure why people think I am an inspiration...to this day.  I don't think I am one.  The only reason I can figure out is that I was dealt some bad cards with cancer and I am not willing to accept that they will dictate my life.  When it comes to the "fight or flight" reflex with me, it is all FIGHT.  My husband has described me as tenacious...and reminds me of that when I do feel emotionally down.   I am not sure where it comes from, I always say these things come from my parents.  We are all just a bunch of stubborn Irish people in my family, but regardless, this will to fight is deep within me...

Regardless, please know I do not ascribe this wonderful and powerful word of "inspiration" to myself.  That is not what this post is about.  What I do want is to share one of my inspirations, Professor Randy Pausch.  I saw him on Oprah about eight months ago.  I am sure many of you saw him.  He is famous for his Last Lecture he gave at Carnegie Mellon.  He is a computer science professor, extremely bright.  In a lot of ways, he reminds me of my husband, Michael.  He is brilliant, a wonderful dad, a giving mind and has a true understanding of where his values are in life.  He lives out his values every day, just like Michael does.

Randy was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer more than a year ago.  He left his job a little over six months ago and has written a book, advocates for pancreatic cancer, and spends as much time with his family as possible.  He has a great wife, Jai, and three young kids.  He doesn't let people pity him and he will tell you for the most part, he is healthier than other people.  Though I have retired from my work, spend as much time with my family as possible, am working on a book and am actively getting treatment for breast cancer, Randy's situation is VERY different.  

Pancreatic cancer is a far more deadly disease that breast cancer with little funding and little medicines.  Though he rides a bike daily, his meds interrupt his life way more than mine and he takes it like a true CHAMP.  (Please know, even though I am a math lover, I don't believe in statistics when it comes to the survival of one strong-willed person.  He has outlived his given time-frame to live by months so far...) 

I follow Randy's blog and am truly "inspired" by someone who faces down their disease with such tenacity and fight.  I can relate to his perspective in many ways.  I always think people visualize me laying down all the time or in a hospital bed.  Don't get me wrong, I know I have been in the hospital more than most and have had to take some powerful medicines, but I am doing just fine.  I fill our days with fun activities, focus on my health in a positive way...and believe in my body's power to heal.  I am fortunate.

From a medical perspective, Randy's time appears limited...but I am a believer in the power of the human spirit.  So is he.  I don't read his blog to see how much time he has, I read his blog to make sure he is doing well with the meds and see how someone is making a success out of cancer.  This is because I want to do the same.  

He doesn't whine or make a big deal about his situation.  That is how his wife and he have chosen to deal with it, but he knows exactly what is going on with his body.  He is an empowering speaker and a wonderful educator, someone who has chosen to use his gifts to share the knowledge and wisdom he has gained from his backstage pass access to the concert of Cancer!

My medicines can and do get in the way of my life sometimes.  I don't really talk about it because it is just part of our life, but that doesn't mean I don't know exactly what is going on in my little body.  If you ever wonder why I don't cry....or crumble, I encourage you to view the ABC video(see below) with Diane Sawyer and Randy.  It will help you understand my perspective.  I do this blog so that I won't have to "talk" about myself all the time, because I am more interested in hearing about you than talking about me. :)

That doesn't mean I don't take my job of fighting cancer very seriously, it is one of my full-time jobs, in fact.  It is not the one I envisioned when in college, but that is okay.  I still perform the tasks with integrity and intention.  I never really felt the "Why me's?", which I consider a blessing.  I just decided to get in and fight so that I can be here for my husband and my kids for years to come....so that I can be a voice to help others be unafraid of cancer.

The truth is some days are bad and some days are good.  My lows might be a little lower than most people's, but the highs are pretty great too.  I give myself the grace to feel bad when I am tired or feel icky, and then I move on.  Fortunately, my husband and kids accept when I feel bad and know it is okay.  As Randy says, these things are "a small price to pay for walking around."  He is taking advantage of every opportunity to live a full and productive DAY, I encourage you to do the same!

If you can get over the fear of reading about pancreatic cancer, I encourage you to google his last lecture and watch it all.  ABC's web site (http://abcnews.go.com/gma/lastlecture)has a great shortened version of it.  It is not about cancer...it is about learning to really live your childhood dreams.  He is funny, witty, athletic, bright, etc.  It is a reminder of all the things we know we need to do, but we forget.

I have this privileged perspective of cancer, just like Randy.  That is what I so desperately want to share with you.  Please know my intentions are always pure, never about fear...just about educating you to love yourself by taking care of yourself.  I do take on every day with true tenacity so that I can be here for a very long time.

Randy Pausch has it going ON... he knows how to live.  Please indulge yourself, for his tips!  He will also have a book out soon with Jeffrey Zaslow (http://thelastlecture.com).  I am enclosing a link to that as well.

He is a continual inspiration to me.

Blessings,

Lolo