Didn't make the cut...

When I was in elementary school and junior high, I just often copied off my big sister in terms of events and sports she would try out for. I did this with baseball, school choir, track, basketball, tennis, etc. I would often look at her experiences because she was just one year ahead of me and know what type of sports or things I would be doing the following year. I was playing follow the leader and my sister was the leader.

For the most part, this habit was formed out of convenience. My parents had one car most of the time we were growing up so it wasn't like they could take me to art classes and Heather to sports things. There was usually only one option and I was fine with it. I learned a lot about myself by playing team sports and I might have been too shy to play them had Heather not paved the way for me.

Heather and I were both successful in sports. We did very well in tennis...both in high school and in college. But, the first REAL sport we tried out for was the volleyball team in 8th grade. In the year that Heather tried out, she made the first cut for the team, but got cut on the final week. Heather was and still is a great athlete. She even plays league volleyball now sometimes with her high school friends and she is good. But, for some reason, she didn't make the final cut. I assume this was because there just wasn't enough time for the coach to assess all the kids in a slim two-week period. Regardless, Heather did not go out for volleyball the next year. She went out for tennis and took to the sport, beautifully.

So now that you know Heather's volleyball story, you should probably be able to guess mine. I did all the things she did. I made the first cut for volleyball and got cut the second week. I went out for tennis the next year and played varsity as a freshman. Looking back, it is clear to me that Heather and I were both meant to play tennis. We played well in the sport with little formal training and were well-known with the coaches in our conferences and got lots of awards. Tennis even paid for part of my college tuition.

However, we have a friend who is now the coach of the volleyball teams in our home town. She gave us both a Excelsior Springs Volleyball shirt last weekend because she had some extra ones...and I wore that shirt around Overland Park with pride one day this week. I am a t-shirt girl, at heart, so the t-shirt brought a lot of things to mind when I wore it. But, the main thing I remember was that at the time I "didn't make the cut" for the volleyball team, I was devastated. I felt rejected. Tennis wasn't available to me for another year and some of my friends were on the volleyball team. I was happy for them, but was sad for myself.

I was a girl without a sport, which was no-man's land as far as I was concerned. I did play basketball and do track in 8th grade, but they weren't as interesting to me as volleyball. I was just following the leader, as usual. Now throughout high school, I found tennis and I also figured out that I didn't have to play all the sports Heather did. So I cut basketball and track from my calendar and took on other academic and social activities (e.g. student council, school newspaper, etc). I found that I grew more by making time for the things I wanted to do, not just following the path of my cool big sis.

But, I must admit that it took me wearing the shirt the other day to really think about the fact that it wasn't rejection I was facing when I was cut from the team. It was just a door that was closed. I needed to wait for that door to tennis to open in a year. I am going to try to remember this lesson when it comes to my cancer experience. I know I am on the right path and I believe in all of our health decisions. It seems that there have been some doors closed to me, but maybe the fact is that some other better options are going to open up soon. Or maybe this is just a part of the journey...that the waiting period for true healing is where the learning takes place. Maybe I just need to learn a little more.

Like I said, I am tenacious about research and my medical care. I can tolerate both chemotherapy and surgery pretty well. In fact, sometimes I wonder if I was made for it...clearly, I have been toughened up for this journey. I am not sure why, but I seem to have the constitution for it. Regardless, I know I will survive and that healing is taking place every single day in my little body. I don't need the big results to know that things are working.

And when a door closes, I will try to remember my volleyball journey that seemed so devastating at the time, but was right on the money in terms of my athletic path at Excelsior Springs High! And for you girls who read the blog and were on the volleyball team that year, please know I harbor no jealousy towards you. I was always so psyched to see you all play and see how you had grown from novice players to athletes. It was pretty cool.

I hope each and every one of you are finding your niche in life, not just the niche that you think you are supposed to do...but where your passion and skills come together and you feel that you are in your ZONE because that is MAGIC! I think I have found this with being a mommy, writing and cycling. I am blessed.

Blessings,
Lolo