Had another chemo session today.

My mom went with me because Micael is out of town. I seem to be running a low grade fever right now, which is more of annoyance than anything else. I was having some allergic reactions to meds last week. I got some hives overnight and had difficulty sleeping because my scalp hurt due to all the activity on my scalp. My poor follicles don't know whether to grow hair or produce a rash. However, all of these things are usually signs that the meds are doing their work. So I got an antibiotic for my skin issues and will see if it helps me tolerate the meds better.

I was able to get back into the mode of life last week and Jack and I went swimming with my sister and her boys. Michael and Morgan are out of town this week at Michael's annual service project: Missouri Boy's State. This program means a lot to him, but we miss him desperately when he is gone. Morgan is now able to go hang out with some of the other leader's kids so she has had a blast running around Warrensburg, Missouri all week. I think I am getting a sneak peak to what college life will be like for me when Morgan is gone. There has been a lot of busyness for her and a lot of learning and a lot of making new friends. She is coming out of her shy shell, which is wonderful to see your child bloom.

We will have full body scans on Monday. Though we all think the medicines are working, there really is no way of knowing until they do Positron Emission Tomography(PET) and CT scans. These scans, as you can probably imagine, make me a bit of a nervous wreck. Knowing this detailed information has saved my life over and over, but it usually has provided us with new information regarding growth of my cancer. I believe this time will be a turn-around and that we will see progress. Yet, I will just try to go to the scans and have them done, then forget about them.

I have the doctors call Michael with the results because I want to just keep moving on. Psychologically, it helps me to hear the information from Michael because even though I love my doctors...I do feel rejected by the medical community, at times. It is not the doctors who make me feel this way, it is the fact that I have gotten bad results on these scans more than I have gotten good news. It is like getting a bad grade on a standardized exam over and over. You don't shoot the messenger, but it still makes you feel less of an individual since you can't quite make the grade.

This is how these scans have made me feel. However, I am really working on myself psychologically, spiritually and mentally to guard my heart and mind only for positivity. I have always believed my story is about healing. So, I try not to worry about the baby steps along the way, but just see myself at the finish line...winning the victory against cancer.

I will, of course, keep you posted about my experiences with the scans. Most likely, we will continue on chemo even if the results are good. The thinking is probably why mess with a good thing...who knows? The nice thing is in this situation, they would cut out one of my chemos altogether. That would increase my quality of life and help me get back to the bike. Being on the bike helps my sanity and reminds me of who I am...so more than anything else, I need and want to get back on the bike soon. I will have to be patient, but progress will happen both in my fight against cancer and to get back on the bike.

Blessings,
Lolo