This road I am on...

Hi everyone,

It has been a couple of days since I last wrote and things have been hopping at the Plunkett house. Besides Morgan and Jack starting Tae Kwon Do yesterday(pix to follow in another post), I rode 11.5 miles on my bike last night and walked about 12 today in training for the Komen 3 day walk in August (in Chicago). My sister and I are training on a small team in our home town. All this riding and walking was cathartic for me...helped me to feel normal in my own skin, but it allowed a lot of time for thinking.

Sometimes I wonder why I am on this road called cancer and why the disease doesn't want to give me up, but then I remember its all about the journey. Before I got diagnosed, I wasn't confident enough to ride a bike. I had forgotten I was an athlete. I was too shy to make myself vulnerable to people on the web via a blog and I didn't know how to not to sweat the small stuff.

Now, during the day I find myself indulging in hugging with Jack or Morgan... and I am content. I smile and I laugh so much more than I used to. I think I am growing up, maybe? I leave most of our family calendar relatively open so that we can see where the day takes us. This is especially true of the weekend. It doesn't always work, but this is what I strive for. There is the old saying "Life is what happens while you are planning". This strikes me as an honest point. I always want to get out my calendar and plan the day away, but there is a real day to be enjoyed. NOW. I try to tell myself that all of the time, yet I can forget.

Don't get me wrong, cancer is not easy road. There are some days when the side effects kick in that I wish I weren't on it, that I feel like I did when I was a child and my sister told me a bug was on me. All I wanted to do was scream, "Get it off of me. Get it off of me." That is such a natural reaction, I know. But, for some reason my journey is more complicated than just getting it out of me. I find that I am truly balanced between the love of my friends and family and my own faith. These are the things that prop me up, the glue that holds me together. I am privileged. I still make lots of mistakes, but I am still growing up so I allow myself some room to be clutzy. Many of you have had family members and friends directly affected by this disease and so many of their stories have deeply impacted me for very long time. They have helped me in more ways than I even know. Their courage has given me courage.

I know some of my dreams have been swept away by this disease, yet I have found that those dreams weren't as important as I once thought they were. It is only the perception of what I thought I wanted that has dissolved. The real life is still here...right in front of me. So, I try not to worry about tomorrow and only think about today. I try to live today with genuineness and integrity and I try to heal. My health is one of my jobs, I take it seriously. When we have a setback, I feel the disappointment more than I ever will admit. But I know many good things are happening to my body as a result of this hard-hitting chemo. I believe the medicines are doing their work and I trust in that. Beyond those basics, I am trying not to think about all the "what-ifs". I try to just accept that my disease will stabilize and that I am healing. I will condition myself for the journey and let the road lead me.

Blessings to each of you! I am honored to have you read my blog and share in this wacky journey!
Lolo